Major League Baseball manager has to be the easiest job in the world.
I could do it. You could do it…
OK, maybe not.
At a rate of about $1,000 an hour, you stand there and jump when your bench coach tugs at the back of your hoodie.
Take A.J. Hinch. He’s a serious candidate for American League Manager of the Year.
For crying out loud, he doesn’t even know his own team’s bunt sign. His guys laid one down 13 times all season. The Tigers successfully sacrificed four times. Not even one per month.
And then there’s Rocco Baldelli. Talk about a master strategist. He had his guys attempt 78 steals this season. That’s three a week. The Twins nonetheless were forced to pay the guy for all seven.
Why is the infield in, Skip?
Because they got a guy on third.
But it’s the first inning, and we’re up 3-0. Move them back.
Uh, is that when I move my hand up and down in front of my face, or over my head?
Time to call for a reliever? The pitching coach handles that.
A pinch hitter? The batting coach has a guy in mind.
A defensive substitution? The outfield coach has it covered.
If you’re wondering why Bruce Bochy returned to baseball at age 67, it’s because retirement was exhausting compared to being propped up against the top rail of the dugout for a couple of hours a day.
Will Dusty Baker be next? Joe Torre? Tony La Russa?
Don’t laugh. Terry Francona is back. He’s 65 and itching to write a fourth chapter, this one with the Cincinnati Reds.
The White Sox and Marlins have openings. The dust hasn’t settled with the Pirates, Blue Jays and Rockies. Heck, even the Dodgers and Yankees could soon find themselves in the market.
The question is: Who do you hire?
Well, the Brewers went with a former boxer, and that worked. The Guardians went the backup catcher route, and that paid off. And the Royals rolled the dice on a former minor leaguer, and look at them now.
Meanwhile, the Giants went retreat with Bob Melvin, and it was the best thing to happen… to the Padres.
So Rule No. 1 for hiring your next baseball manager: Hair-weaved, squeaky people need not apply.
Here are 10 who would be a whole lot more interesting than A.J. Pierzynski…
Grimace
Think about it: What’s the one thing a manager could provide to best aid his team’s win total? I’d say: Good luck. This is your man. Or thing. Or whatever.
Will Venable
On a slightly more serious note, the most likely guy to get a manager’s gig in 2025 is a 2024 bench coach who spent the last six months whispering in the ear of his boss. Or in Venable’s case, screaming in Grandpa Bochy’s ear.
Rodney Linares
The guy has coached with the Rays, so you know he understands openers. And he’s been with the Astros, so he’s up on closers. As for the hitters, he’s got to be sporting close to three bills, so nobody’s going to complain when he demands they take a strike in his Brooklyn accent.
Deion Sanders
I don’t care if you’re the Team USA bobsled coach. If Deion isn’t on your list of “We’ve At Least Got to Ask” candidates, then maybe the guy you just fired wasn’t the problem.
Ichiro
The poor man’s Deion. The Brewers demonstrated this season: When you have the best baserunning team, you’ve got a leg up on the competition. Few understand the power of the steal better than Ichiro.
Yadier Molina
Legend has it he once asked Cardinals management for time off so he could watch his professional basketball team in the Puerto Rican championships. That sounds like my kind of manager.
Salvador Perez
If not Molina, then Perez moves to the front of the line in the catcher-turned-manager progression. Presuming he hangs up his facemask. All the more reason for the Blue Jays to be rooting for the Royals to win the World Series.
Dave Stewart
The ultimate competitor as a player, he would get the attention of a talent-laden team like the Dodgers or Yankees.
Jessica Mendoza
Nobody gives more interviews than the manager, so why not put some lipstick on the pig? Baseball viewership could use more women, and with apologies to the many qualified female coaches and executives working their way up the ranks, they can’t talk as good a game as Mendoza and certainly couldn’t hit like her.
Preston Mattingly
There’s another Mattingly in the pipeline. The problem? His dad is still around, and nobody wants a package deal.
